


Shadow the Hedgehog 2: the Revenge of Maria

by SallysFunnyKiss (SilkHidingSteel)



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst and Humor, Dark Comedy, Deconstruction, Gen, Humor, Male-Female Friendship, Mood Whiplash, Parody, TV Tropes, Unofficial Sequel, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-15 23:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilkHidingSteel/pseuds/SallysFunnyKiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After struggling to fit in with the ranks of GUN, everyone's favorite prickly ball of angst and darkness recieves a pleasant surprise. Rated T and up for mild language, violence, tea parties, and moderately priced casual wear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Shadow paced down the dark yet familiar corridors of the long abandoned space colony, ARK. His dark fur bristled with the warmth of being back where he was created, but beads of sweat threatened to seep through his thick white gloves- he was furious as to why he was up here once more. It was miraculous that he was granted clearance to serve GUN this time, as many of the other agents deemed his involvement unnecessary- dangerous, even. Some claimed that Shadow would use the colony as a weapon against GUN to take revenge on the events that took place here a mere fifty-one years ago. This theory was ridiculous- Shadow had gotten that out of his system a long time ago. Granted, these were the same people who refused to accept him as an agent to begin with, but it would be nice if he could go on a serious assignment without having to be escorted. It was clear as to why the Commander insisted that Shadow was to be the one to go- on one knew the layout of the massive colony as well as the black and crimson hedgehog. However, it was clear that the Commander had his doubts as well- the bomb on Shadow's wrist was more than enough proof. Still, it seemed odd that the Commander assigned Rouge to control the bomb and accompany him.

"Shadow!" she called, bringing him back to reality. "What's that over there?" She pointed to a nondescript section of the sleek, metallic wall.

"I don't see any-" he began, but quickly stopped as she pointed to their earpieces and motioned for him to play along. "Oh, that? That's one of the Professor's vulcanized cannons," he ad-libbed. The bat calmly worked with skilled hands to remove the bomb. She punched in the combination and it came off with a small click as Shadow went on. "...to the point that we figured we wouldn't need to defend ourselves," he finished with a dark chuckle. She carried the heavy contraption until she reached an inconspicuous corner and laid it beneath a window. He nodded his appreciation as they continued onward.

"You mentioned earlier that you and Maria would run races down these halls," noted Rouge as she looked around the musty corridors. She seemed unimpressed, given the lack of opulence and shiny things, but tried to remain respectful. Shadow was about to answer but abruptly stopped once they came to the next hallway. "Wha-?" Rouge started. She stopped once she noticed what was bothering him: there was a large stain of dark crimson blood on the floor in the center of the hall. It was faded due to age but was dark enough to be noticed. How he and Maria managed to get away from the soldiers was all a blur; the only things Shadow could remember were Maria being shot and her final goodbye, a good fifty-something yards away. He couldn't even recall how she managed to coax him into the escape capsule. It was a pity that they couldn't escape together, but her affliction made it impossible for her to last on the bright, blue planet below. The black hedgehog swallowed his reprieve and entered solemnly, taking care not to tread where his sweet Maria was shot. He tried in vain to keep any and all unsavory thoughts of gun from his mind as they passed through. Neither he nor Rouge spoke until they reached the chamber at the end of the hall, which contained the remaining escape capsules. "Is this where...?" Rouge started. Shadow nodded. His attention was fixed on the single, empty case in the far left corner. He began to saunter towards the bare cabinet but stopped once he saw the control panel in the center of the room. A second, much larger blood stain coated the floor below it. This is where she died, alone and afraid, for crimes she did not commit. Shadow fell to his knees in silent agony and tried to keep his composure. His eyes, fighting back tears, perused over the vile mark and noticed a small, matted clump of champagne-colored hair lying nearby. Reaching out tentatively, the hedgehog noticed that although delicate and satiny, it seemed as if it had been torn out when her cold, lifeless body had been carelessly removed with those of the researchers who shared the same, wretched fate. Shadow held out his hand to Rouge, who deposited a tiny plastic bag in his grasp. The bags had been meant to hold any evidence that they found, but there were enough to allow Shadow to keep this one find.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for all of these short chapters in the beginning. They get longer (and funnier) soon.

They searched everywhere, but could not find enough solid evidence to prove GUN's suspicions.

"So what made them think that the colony is inhabited again? It's just the way we left it right before I joined GUN," Shadow remarked morosely. "All we've found are what's left of Maria and layers of dust and cobwebs. The only ones here are the spiders. Little bastards- Maria was terrified of them, but she'd beg me not to kill them."

"I'm not quite sure. The Commander didn't say much. It would've made sense if they'd have told us specifically what we're looking for- that way we wouldn't have had to wonder around aimlessly for three hours." They retrieved the wrist-bomb and reinstalled it. Shadow let his displeasure be known with a low growl. "Don't feel too bad, baby. They've made me wear one of these hideous things too, y'know."

"Yeah, on your first assignment."

"Calm down, Mister Grumpy Prickles. It's not like I know the secrets of a gargantuan weapon of mass destruction. I'll tell ya what- quit acting like a four year old and I'll make it up to you later tonight," she purred. Shadow looked nothing short of livid as he motioned towards their earpieces- GUN could hear every word. Or could they? Not a word had passed between them and Topaz or whomever else in central command since they'd boarded the colony. Rouge spoke anxiously into her earpiece. "This is Agent Rouge. Do you read me? Over." Silence. She repeated this as Shadow removed his earpiece to inspect it. He promptly found the source of the problem. They were never going to hear the end of it from GUN…

"Uh… Rouge?"

"Yes, Shadow?"

"Your earpiece wouldn't happen to be… on, would it?" They shared the same exasperated look on their faces and flipped the minute switches.

"…is Agent Topaz. Do you read me? Over. Agents Rouge and Shadow, this is Agent Topaz. Do you read me? Over…"

"Oh, thank goodness! I'm so sorry about that little slip up. We're fine, no need to get your panties in a knot"

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED SICK WE'VE BEEN? NOT EVEN…" Rouge and Shadow hurriedly ripped their earpieces out. Topaz's screams could still be heard as clear as day. "…TO CHECK IN EVERY NOW AND AGAIN? WHO DO YOU THINK…"

"Look, Topaz, darling…"

"…CAN'T JUST DECIDE THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LISTEN…"

"It was just a little mistake…"

"MISTAKE INDEED! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT..."

"WE'RE SORRY!" shouted Rouge so stridently that Topaz immediately fell silent, "JUST GET US OFF OF THIS DAMN COLONY!"


	3. Chapter 3

When they boarded the ship to return home, Topaz's glare seemed to bore through their skulls. She remained silent, however, surely saving the worst of her wrath for when they got back and she could take it up with the Commander. Both Shadow and Rouge were deeply ashamed and embarrassed not only by their lack of competence, but also by their lack of evidence to aid GUN's theories. However, Rouge quickly brushed this off and was now dozing silently in her chair as Topaz begrudgingly removed the bomb from Shadow's wrist. The hedgehog nodded his thanks and settled down in his seat, where he removed the tiny bag containing the lock of Maria's hair from Rouge's backpack.

"What is that?" asked Topaz accusingly. "I thought that you said that you didn't find anything."

"We didn't. While we were there we took a detour and visited the spot where Maria died. Apparently whoever removed the bodies wasn't particularly careful and ended up pulling out some of her hair." He showed Topaz the clear, thin plastic bag. She softened a bit.

"What was she like, Shadow?" He quietly pondered this.

"Quiet, but sociable. Her voice was gentle; she had the patience of a saint. Caring. Selfless. Innocent."

"I see. What do you miss most about her?" Again, he genuinely thought this over.

"Her warmth. Her smile. Her ability to… forgive." He shuddered at that last word. Poor Maria had been clueless as to what was happening. She didn't mind what had originally seemed to be a simple increase in security- in fact, she seemed delighted. Isn't this great, Shadow? Now I'm sure we'll be safe in case something goes wrong! So why had the soldiers gone after them? They KNEW her. Maria wouldn't have hurt a fly. In fact, Shadow doubted that she even COULD.

"Shadow," Topaz started slowly. "I know that this doesn't change anything, but I am truly, deeply sorry for what-"

"Don't apologize- this wasn't your doing. I'm sorry that we didn't have our earpieces turned on."

"It's fine. Well, it's not fine, but everyone makes mistakes. Rouge, on the other hand, should've known better. I'll talk it over with her once we get back to HQ."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because what self-respecting Shadow fic wouldn't have a flashback to the good ol' days on the ARK?

"Shadow, are you going to stare out that window all day?" Shadow snapped out of his trance and looked up into those sweet, trusting eyes of hers.

"How long have you been standing there, Maria?"

"Not long. It's kinda funny to watch you," she said as she crouched down beside him. "It's like when you're dreaming, 'cept you don't kick as much."

"I guess you could call it dreaming. When do you think we'll be able to go down there?" The Professor insisted that the planet below was a breathtaking place and would often tell stories of the people and places there to Maria and Shadow before bed, where they would sit wide eyed in wonder and amazement. He would talk about the majesty of gargantuan waterfalls, the sweet smell of fresh cut grass, the dapple of raindrops, and so much more that Maria had to write them all down in order to remember it all. She carried her small pink notebook everywhere with her, and not only was it overflowing with stories of the planet called Earth, but also contained sketches of Shadow and the Professor and several short stories penned by Maria herself.

"I don't know, but Grandfather said that it would be soon."

"He says that every time we ask."

"I know he does, but one should always have some faith in those they love, Shadow."

That same evening the black and crimson hedgehog slipped out of bed as soon as he was sure that Maria was sound asleep and went on his nightly stroll around the colony. It was interesting to see the other researchers work feverishly on their projects. The Professor would never talk about what everyone else was working on, but said that they were trying to assist the military of Earth, called GUN (which by the way, was not just an incredibly bad pun in English- 'gun' is the Japanese word for 'army'). The Professor often said that he was never there to aid the military- according to him he was only there to use the research facility as a means to find a cure for his beloved granddaughter. How he ended up with the position of 'Head of Research' puzzled Shadow, but then again his second title of 'World's Leading Scientist' might have had something to do with it.

"Professor," Shadow said as he poked his head inside the main lab, where the elderly man was bent over his desk writing something. He looked up and nodded to Shadow to come in.

"I can't speak for long, Shadow- this paper needs to be in first thing tomorrow morning."

"I'll make it quick then. How close are you to finding a cure?" The large, bald man avoided the hedgehog's accusing gaze.

"I'm trying as hard as I can, but we can't expect a miracle in a case this serious. We are going to try to operate next week, but we're not entirely sure if it'll do much good."

"…So every time you tell her that you've come even closer to finding a treatment, you're merely filling her head with lies and false hope?"

"Shadow, listen-"

"How DARE you? How can you look her in the eye and say such things?"

"Well how would YOU feel if I came up to you and said that you might not live another three months?" The agitated and elderly scientist proclaimed as he slammed his fist onto the desk so hard that it shook. "How would YOU feel if you had to go to bed every night believing that nothing can be done about it?" The hedgehog was speechless. He had never mentioned how much longer Maria had… "I'm trying as hard as I can. There is nothing worse than failing than not trying at all. Nothing starts until you take action. Goodnight." He ushered Shadow out of his lab and quickly shut the door behind him. Shadow awoke with a start in his bed at GUN headquarters. In the pitch black of night he could easily make out the deep red numbers on the clock on his nightstand. Damn flashbacks…


	5. Chapter 5

Breakfast the next morning was the same as always- croissant, bacon, fruit, and a small glass of orange juice to wash it all down with. Rouge, sitting across from him at the long table in the dining hall, looked down at her halved pear on her miniature plate and picked at it with her fork.

"Is anything wro-?" he started, dipping the soft, buttery pastry in his Nutella.

"NOTHING!" She abruptly dropped her fork; the look in her eyes was wild and unstable. The entire room fell silent as everyone looked over not at the quivering bat, but at Shadow. From the look in their eyes, it was undeniable that they were all hiding something. To say that the silence was uncomfortable was an understatement.

"...If you say so." Shadow was tired of playing games with these people, but he threw in his trademark menacing glare for good measure. He had better things to do with his time. The Commander had requested him in his office immediately after breakfast, so he picked up his plate and absconded quickly as everyone shakily returned to their individual conversations. The Commander's office was vast and striking. The rich mahogany furniture shone from the late morning sun that drifted in from the colossal window behind his desk. The Commander paced cautiously around his office before finally speaking.

"Shadow, do you value your job here?"

"It has its moments," the surly hedgehog replied, tapping his foot on the hard-wood floor. "However, I don't appreciate things being kept from me. If something is going on, I deserve to know."

The Commander smiled slightly at this. "All will be revealed in good time. In fact, the reason I called you in this morning pertains to that. We need you to go on a mission. I cannot reveal the exact details, but we're sure that you'll be very pleased with the project we are working on."

"So... everyone here knows about this but me?"

"We're very efficient here at GUN," replied the Commander, smiling once more. "That's why all who fail to comply are penalized. Speaking of which, Agent Rouge will not be accompanying you this time. We know about the wrist-bomb- it had a tracking device installed. This time, we decided to bring in some outside help." He nodded to someone leaning against the wall behind Shadow. A pair of bright green eyes glinted mischieveously at the black hedgehog.

"Absolutely not," Shadow sighed with disgust, immediately realizing who it was.

"It's nice to see you too," Sonic retorted.

"Are you saying that you're unhappy with our decision?" the Commander asked with a genuine hint of a threat in his voice. Shadow sighed with defeat. "Good. Gentlemen, er, gentlehogs, I need you both to pick up a package from a... holding facility, yes that's it, a few towns over. I've already briefed Sonic over the finer details," he nodded towards the blue hedgehog. "As we discussed earlier, this mission should take four hours, no less."

"But if we're only going a few towns over..." Shadow started.

"Uh, excuse me," Sonic said, turning to Shadow and pointing at himself, "I do believe that I'm in charge here, and when I'm in charge, we listen to the Commander-dude. Let's go, bro!" He sneeringly slapped the black hedgehog on the back and did his best "Haters Gonna Hate" walk towards the door. He'd been working on it for some time.

After the two hedgehogs made it to the town in question, Sonic insisted that they stop for a bite to eat in order to help pass the time. It felt odd to him to have to go about things so slowly today, but it helped him take his mind off of the goings-on of the past week. Sally and Tails had recently installed a new super computer and had been geeking out about it since. The words that they used sounded like they'd be fun to say, but they made Sonic's head turn loops and corkscrews. His knowledge of IT didn't go much past "Blast Processing" and "Real 16-bit Arcade Graphics". It was nice to take a break by bossing around someone that didn't talk much. Shadow went along with it, lest his dissodence be reported.

"Y'know, Shadow," said the blue hedgehog, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he split his chopsticks and prepared to gorge himself in the plate of orange chicken and chow mein before him, "I think that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"Oh, shut up," the black hedgehog snapped as he picked the onions out of his dish.

"Whatever happened to nice Shadow?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, when we were fighting that big lizard thingy in space a few years ago, you said something that, well, touched me."

"And what was this?"

"It was something along the lines of 'Sonic, I think I've discovered what the Ultimate Lifeform is- it might be you!'"

"Are you high?" Shadow slammed his fist on the table, almost upsetting the tiny jar of low-sodium soy sauce. "I would never say such a thing. I am the Ultimate Lifeform, you ignorant faker."

"Well of course you wouldn't remember- you fell immediately afterwards, bumped your head, got the most convenient case of amnesia I've ever seen, and have yet so say one nice thing to me. Think of the fangirls, Shadow- aren't we supposed to be in some loving relationship or something?"

"THAT. NEVER. HAPPENED."

"And it won't- not in this fanfic, anyway. I looked ahead to check and make sure. But the important thing is that you've been a raving asshole to me for no good reason ever since." Shadow was fuming at this point. "Oh, all right. Be that way. How's your shrimp?"

"Subpar."

"Alright... So, uh... how's your mother?" Shadow silently stared back at Sonic before speaking.

"There is a chance that we can get through this without any mishaps, but crack one more joke and I'll..." Sonic began to chuckle slightly. "What is it now?" the black hedgehog sighed.

"You said buttcrack..." Sonic snorted. Shadow's cold stare got his point across. Sonic merely smiled and scooped up the rest of the greasy noodles from his bowl. He paid the bill and snapped open his fortune cookie. "You will help bring great joy to a comrade," he read aloud. "That's true- Sal and I are going to buy Tails' birthday present tomorrow. What does yours say?"

"I don't care. There's no point, it's just a childish superstition." As Shadow got up to leave, Sonic glanced at the grouchy hedgehog's fortune, and smiled. He slipped the small slip of paper into his glove and got up to follow.


	6. Chapter 6

Shadow looked up dubiously at the building directly in front of them.

"Are you sure that this is the right address?"

"Yeah," Sonic yawned and stretched his arms.

"...But it's just a flower shop."

"I can see that."

"Is it just a front or someth-"

"Look, just go in and get the package before I have to drag you inside kicking and screaming."

"The Ultimate Lifeform is above kicking and screaming."

"One would think that the Ultimate Lifeform would be above being a delivery boy, too. But look at him now!" Sonic grinned. Shadow's face was impassive. "I'm waaaaaiiting!" Sonic tapped his foot impatiently. Shadow sighed and pushed open the ordinary-looking glass door only to step into an ordinary-looking shop filled with the most ordinary-looking flowers one could think of (with no imagination, of course). He walked up to the ordinary-looking woman standing behind the ordinary-looking counter.

"I'm here to pick up the order for a Mr... Tottoko?" If this is just a front for GUN, it makes sense that it's drab and dull, Shadow thought to himself. The ordinary-looking woman (wearing an ordinary-looking smock for good measure) disappeared behind yet another ordinary-looking door, this time made of some sort of nondescript Sim-quality wood. Sonic poked his head around the first, glass door.

"You done yet? Or did you start contemplating your navel again and completely forget what you're here to do?"

"Shut up. I told her the Tottoko bit, and she went into the back room. Would you have any idea who Tottoko is, by any chance?"

"The Commander said something about it, but I zoned out. Something 'bout hamsters. He kept saying some other weird Japanese word... kodomomike... kidomamake... kodomomuke... I dunno." He slipped back outside as the ordinary-looking woman came back from what was probably a very ordinary-looking store-room, carrying a very large bouquet of gorgeous pink and red roses. To say that the ordinary-looking paper wrapping around the stems didn't do it justice was a gross understatement. The colors were vibrant and popped out fantastically against the dreary backdrop.

"あなたのビジネス、とっておこハム太郎氏ありがとうございます。私は下着を着用していないしていま," said the woman with a slight grin as she handed the bemused hedgehog the flowers. He backed away slowly.

"I wonder why G.U.N. recieves their packages in Chibi Japan," he remarked quietly to Sonic once he was back outside. "The real package is in the paper wrapping, isn't it?"

"Sure," replied Sonic as he chuckled slightly. "Just keep telling yourself that."


	7. Chapter 7

The two hedgehogs entered GUN Headquarters without a hitch. Shadow gently cradled the bouquet against his chest; it bobbed gracefully up and down with each step he took.

"Kinda nifty, having a security ID and all," remarked Sonic, trying to start some sort of conversation to break the uncomfortable silence. His attempts were in vain, as Shadow remained cold and composed. "It takes more effort to frown than to smile, y'know."

"No, I don't know."

"Well, now ya' do."

Silence.

"Well then, 'Stoic the Hedgehog', are you excited?"

"For what?"

Sonic sighed irritably. He scratched his chin absent-mindedly and ultimately gave up. Getting him to say anything remotely interesting is as pointless as trying to shoot that stupid dog in Duck Hunt, he thought. They eventually reached the Commander's office, where said Commander was draped over his desk and stroking it in a way that can only be described as lustful...

"I love mahogany. So... classy. So... upscale. So... important." He looked up and noticed that both hedgehogs had walked in and were looking at him with distinct grimaces on their faces. "Gentlemen, when you are so important that your office furniture is made of rich, deep, high quality wood, you'll understand. Until then, I'd ask that you keep this a secret. Ah, I see that you have our gift," he said, nodding toward the bouquet.

"Gift?" asked Shadow. "You mean to tell us that you sent me, the Ultimate Lifeform, out to recieve a present?"

"Why yes. Yes I do, er... did... wait- what would I... oh, never mind. Now before you say anything else, I'd recommend that you go up to your quarters and clean yourself up: wash your face, brush your teeth, shine your hover skates, bleach your chest hair..."

"Pffffffft! You bleach your chest hair? Ha ha ha ha!" Sonic cackled madly.

"At least I have chest hair."

"I do too, it's just shorter and not as soft and fluffy as-"

"Why would I need to do this?" Shadow asked, turning to the Commander.

"All will revealed in good time. Sonic, will you be staying for this evening's festivities?"

"Depends on whether or not Jerkass the Hedgehog decides to be nice. If not, I think I'll pass. Tails will wanna see though, so I might come."

"Good, good. See you tonight. Dress formally, please. If at all."

"I'll wear my good sneakers, then. I may have to run my gloves and socks through the wash with a little of that Oxy-stuff. Oxytocin? Oxycodon? Yeah, that's it. Mind if I throw my stuff in with your chest hair, Shadow?"

"I don't see what's so amusing about a standard grooming procedure..." Shadow sighed.

"Standard? Wow, I... don't even know where to begin with that."

"Just drop it will you"?

"How can I? I may even have to run this by the Inquisitor. I can see the headline now: The Ultimate Lifeform's Ultimate Beauty Secret EXPOSED!"

"SHUT IT."

"Alright, alright. Don't get your perfectly-bleached chesthair in a knot. See you guys tonight."


	8. Chapter 8

GUN's reception hall was buzzing with excitement that evening. Agents and their guests, dressed in their finest gowns and suits, were everywhere, laughing, eating, and dancing the night away. Up in one of the balconies, Shadow and the Commander stood surveying the scene like a pair of hawks.

"Are you excited?"

"Why does everyone keep asking that?"

"It's a big night for you."

"How? The invitations didn't say anything beyond 'dress formally and be in the reception hall at eight on an empty stomach.'"

"Speaking of which, you'll be pleased to hear that we got some of your favorite restaraunts to cater. Colonel Chang's Taco Italiano and What the Fudge? if I remember correctly. Oh, and do try the bacon-wrapped filet mingion. It's absoultely to die for."

"Thanks for the tip." Shadow's mind was elsewhere. While preparing for this evening's festivities, he had noticed that the lock of Maria's hair was missing. Who had taken it? The cleaning staff?

"Oh, there are your friends," the Commander said, pointing to the right of the refreshments table. Sonic, Tails, Rouge, Amy, Cream, and Cheese were gathered together, laughing about something. "Why not welcome them?" He had phrased it like a suggestion, but his tone indicated that this was an order. Shadow descended the stairs and reluctantly strode over as Sonic delivered the punchline to his joke.

"And then Chris died!" The group erupted in laughter.

"Oh, Mr. Shadow!" Cream squealed at the black hedgehog. She was wearing a simple scarlet red dress with matching ribbons tied at the bases of her ears. "Congratulations!"

"Er, thank you, Cream." He turned to Sonic. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Not really. Things have been fairly quiet ever since Eggman got that movie deal."

"Shadow, why can't you just be happy that my darling Sonikku decided to bring me and Cream to your party?" Amy whined.

"Um, I'm here too..." Tails mumbled, fixing his little red bow tie.

"You're ruining our date!"

"Amy, how many times do I have to tell you-" Sonic started, unsuccessfully.

"How do you like my dress, Sonikku? I bought it in Chibi Japan at that store beside that really boring flower shop!"

"Oh, Shadow and I were at that flower shop this afternoon.

"You bought me flowers? That's so sweet of you! Where are they?"

"Uh, Amy? They weren't exactly for you..."

"Oh, I see," Amy's voice turned ice cold and a fire seemed to ignite in her eyes. "Who were they for, then?"

"I don't know. We were sent by GUN on a mission."

"GUN sent you on a mission! That's so, like, awesome! But you'll buy me flowers next time, right Sonikku?"

"Uh..."

"What is this whole thing about, anyway?" Shadow asked, saving Sonic from having to make a promise that he probably wasn't going to keep.

"You really don't know?" asked Rouge. "It's your one-year anniversary, Shadow."

"GUN agents are notorious for either dying in their first year or going AWOL," added Tails. "Since you can't do one, they're celebrating that you haven't done the other."

"Then why haven't I been assigned to do anything serious yet?"

"Beats me," the little fox shrugged.

"It's too bad Knuckles couldn't make it," Amy said, going off topic. "He said that he had to guard the Master Emerald."

"And you're suprised?" asked Sonic. "That's sort of his job, Amy. Speaking of which..."

"Ooooh! Ms. Blaze! Your dress is so pretty!" squealed Cream.

"Chao chao!"

"Thank you, Cream," replied the purple cat as she sauntered over. "Yours is lovely, too."

"And just what are you doing here?" snarled Shadow.

"Don't mind me, I'm just following the plotted line like everyone else."

"Long time no see, Blaze," said Sonic. "Glad to see that you're doing well. How's Silver?"

"Who?"

"Oh, right- time paradox. Er, how's Marine?"

"I haven't spoken to her since you and Tails left."

"I can't blame you."

"Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished mammals and chao..." The Commander was now onstage with a microphone in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other.

"Oh, dude- before I forget," Sonic quickly pulled a tiny slip of paper from one of his gloves. It was the same one from lunch that afternoon. Shadow took it begrudgingly and opened it. You will reunite with an old friend tonight.

"I don't have any..."

"Tonight, we have gathered to honor one of our own. He has selflessly given his timee to our cause, and we cannot thank him enough for that." Wild applause erupted throughout the massive room. "Shadow, we would like to congradulate you on your one-year anniversary with us here at GUN, and also apologize for our lack of trust at the beginning. I hope that this will more than make up for that. Do you still have the bouquet that you picked up this afternoon?" Shadow nodded, confused, and picked it up from the table where it sat. The Commander beckoned to someone behing the stage curtains. "He's ready to see you now," he said with tears welling in his eyes. A small girl stepped out. She had the same dreamy blue eyes, the same thick, silky blonde hair, the same exact eyes as...

"Ma- Maria?"


	9. Chapter 9

The room around them seemed to disappear. How-, what-? How could they have possibly-? There she stood, just the same as she had been. She smiled that same, sweet smile at him that she always did and slowly walked towards him. Shadow quivered like a blade of grass in his little hover skates. This couldn't be her. Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. The dead cannot be brought back to life, at least not without serious consequences. This was some sort of eldritch abomination. Better yet, this was all just a dream- right? Right? But would an eldritch abomination be walking toward a hedgehog with open arms and a warm smile?

"Oh, Shadow... it's so good to see you again!" She leaned over slightly and wrapped her arms gently around the speechless hedgehog.

"Maria? How-" Shadow started. The silence was almost deafening. He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe...

***

"Now wake up, up, up, up..."

"Huh? What-"

"Now wake up, up, up, up..."

"Professor Gerald...?"

"Shadow, what you did was very brave..." The Professor loomed over him like a tower. They were in some room Shadow didn't recognize. It seemed to be some sort of lab, but it wasn't the Professor's. Looking down, Shadow realized that he was tied to something. He was in some sort of tube, and he was so drowsy that he could barely put a single thought together. "Shadow, I'm sorry to tell you this, but..."

"I know Professor. I saw."

"Do you know where we are now?"

"No."

"We are on GUN's Prison Island."

"Island- like the ones on Earth?"

"Shadow, we are on Earth. The military captured your escape pod and transported both of us here. The military was afraid of my work. The military are the ones that killed her and most of the researchers and their children. I need you to listen carefully to me, and never forget what I tell you. I don't know how long they're going to keep us here. It may be for another week, a few years, or only a few more hours. They say that they are merely trying to do what is right. But how is slaying innocent children and their researchers in cold blood right? Everybody tries to be straight, but things are still unchanged. It's useless to resist; their efforts will be wasted. Head straight for your goal by any means, there is a door that remains unopened. There is a window with a view you have never seen. Get there, no matter how long it takes. I don't care what happens to me anymore. Without Maria, my life has no purpose. I want you to make the world feel my wrath. I want you to make them feel the same terror and fear that she felt. I want you to kill every single last one of them. And if that doesn't work, I have another trick up my sleeve- the Eclipse Cannon. It's aboard the ARK in the central control room. If you need the manual, ask some of the Artificial Chaos. They should be able to help you out. Good luck to you, my son." He shook Shadow's hand and placed some sort of class lid on top of the tube. All went quiet once more.

***

"Shadow, I'm so sorry! Please wake up!"

"He'll be fine, Maria. He's just being a drama queen as always. Really, Shadow? We bring the reason for your existence back from the dead and you faint? Dude..."

"Thank you for taking care of him for all these years, Sonic. My poor Shaddykins..."

"My pleasure, Maria. Ol' Shaddykins wouldn't have made it this long without my help." Shadow's eyes immediately opened.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU FAKER?"

"Shadow! You're alright!" Maria immediately gave him an attack hug and showered him with kisses. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine, Maria. It isn't your fault. In fact, I'm sorry about my reaction. This is just... shocking. Where are we?"

"The infirmary. You took quite a bump to the head when you fell."

"Not quite as bad as the one he took a year or so ago." Sonic said, taking a seat on the edge of Shadow's cot.

"What happened?" Maria gasped.

"I'll have to tell you about it later- it's a long story."

"I like stories!"

"If you don't mind," Shadow snarled at the grinning blue hedgehog, "I'd like to be alone with Maria for a bit."

"Shadow, dude! That's just... wrong on so many levels!"

"Not like that, you perverted pincushion."

"Suit yourself." Sonic slid off the cot and strolled out the door. "If you guys need anything, feel free to ask Tails. I can't take this anymore."

"What have you been doing all this time?" Maria asked.

"Well, like he said, it's a bit of a long story..."


	10. Chapter 10

"Wow, it took three games just to get it all sorted out?"

"Unfortunately. The last one wasn't even all that great- the only memorable thing about it was how over-the-top it was. Oh, and the homing attack will end up killing you 90% of the time, so be smart and use weapons."

"Alright. How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thank you."

"Great! Let's go back to the party, then!"

"It's still going on? How long was I out for?"

"Long enough to take you here."

"...Fine." Shadow pulled himself up and onto his feet. He took Maria by the arm and they began to walk back to the reception hall. "So... how exactly did you come back?" Maria shook her head.

"I'm not quite sure how to explain it. I guess we could ask someone once we get there."

When they arrived back at the reception hall, many of the agents had gathered around the stage, watching Sonic, accompanied by Amy, Tails, and Blaze, with fierce admiration and wonder. Onstage, Cream was hiding inside the top hat that Blaze was holding.

"Ms. Blaze, I have to go potty," she whispered.

"Chao chao..."

"Hold it just a little more, Cream. He's starting the trick now."

"Watch, my friends, as I pull a rabbit out of this hat!" cried Sonic, as if on cue. Blaze handed him the hat with a nervous smile. The blue hedgehog paused slightly for dramatic effect, then pulled the little rabbit out of the hat by her ears. The crowd clapped hysterically.

"Mr. Sonic, can you put me down, please? This really hurts..."

"Chao chao chao!"'

"Now for my next trick," said Sonic, acknowledging Cream's plea by setting her down quietly, "I'm going to make this entire bathtub full of chilidogs... DISAPPEAR!"

"Just what are you doing?" asked Shadow once he got closer. "I go unconscious at a party and the minute they haul me off to the infirmary, you start performing magic tricks?"

"ILLUSIONS, Shadow."

"WHATEVER."

"Shadow, be nice!" Maria piped up. "Mr. Sonic went to all this trouble just to keep these people entertained when you were hurt." Shadow sighed and tried to regain his composure as Sonic grinned gleefully onstage.

"Only for you, Maria. Where is the Commander?"

"Beats me," said Sonic, hopping off the stage with a spin jump. "I take it that you'd like to know about your living dead girl?"

"Yes."

"Please," added Maria. Shadow sighed.

"Yes please."

"Well, she wasn't cloned, but it's the first thing they tried. Then they tried alchemy, but then some short dude with a metal arm and leg came and yelled at them about it, so that was a bust. The rest is classified, but I am allowed to tell you that they used that lock of hair you had as a DNA sample."

"...Alright. I take it that they're keeping it classified so that it doesn't fall into the wrong hands?"

"Let me rephrase that- I know how they did it, but you don't get to know."

"WHAT?"

"Yup. Sucks to be you, doesn't it?"

"Maria, do you mind if I say something er, private, to Sonic?"

"Oh, go right ahead. I'll go get us some dinner. Let's see if I remember your favorites!" She skipped happily away to the refreshments table. Shadow smiled to see her off, then regained his normal, cold expression when looking at the snidely grinning blue hedgehog.

"I want you to know something."

"Alrighty then. Go right ahead."

"I will find out how she has come back eventually. However, if you EVER do anything like this again, be it acting like a wolf in sheep's clothing to fool Maria or retaining information from me for ANY reason, I will rip that smirk right off your face and wipe the floor with it, along with your dismembered corpse."

"Just like you say you'll do everyday?"

Before Shadow could reply, Maria came back carrying two bowls of baked ziti and a loaf of garlic bread.

"C'mon, Shadow- let's go find a table!"

Shadow begrudgingly began to follow, but quickly turned around and hissed "This time I'll let you go, but the next time you won't be so lucky."


	11. Chapter 11

Many miles away from the festivities of GUN, Dr. Eggman flipped on his desk lamp settled back into the indent in his magnificent and beloved seat.

"That was irresistibly invigorating," he said aloud to no one in particular as he popped his knuckles and started typing. "I may have to get an agent after this- the Internet practically exploded the second they saw my gorgeous face in that trailer! Some may claim that Bowser will have a much larger role, but soon the whole world will see that the Great and Glorious Eggman will be the break-out character!" He opened his inbox and waited patiently as the torrent of emails flooded in. "Let's see here- spam, spam, fan letter from the Great Clement, reply from the Council of Evil -I might have to look at that later-, friend request from The Great Clement, hmmm... What's this?" He sipped his coffee and looked closer at the screen. "Local Events- GUN Salutes Shadow the Hedgehog's Dedicated Service? Hmm... I may have to stop by and pay them a visit sometime..."

***

"Aw right, pardner," Sonic started. "Keep on rollin', babeh. You know what time it is..." As the party began to die down slightly, someone had dug out a karaoke machine.

"Look at him," Shadow said, "making a complete ass out of himself."

"AW MOVE IN AND MOVE OUT" Sonic sang his heart out, indeed making a complete ass out of himself, which isn't very hard when impersonating Fred Durst.

"HANDS UP NOW HANDS DOWN" Tails joined in, going very over the top with it.

"BACK UP BACK UP"

"TELL ME WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW!" Then they joined in unison...

"KEEP ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN'..."

"I think my ears are bleeding, Maria. If I die tonight, please make sure that someone rips out their vocal chords..."

"Haters gonna hate, Shadow," said Sonic, calling him out from the stage. "Don't you be hatin' on my favorite song!"

"Why am I not surprised that this is your favorite song?"

"Probably because it kicks almost unhealthy quantities of ass. Oh, and it's about rollin', in case you didn't get the memo."

"Oh, Shadow," asked Maria as she wiped her bowl clean with the rest of her bread, "I meant to ask- where do you stay?"

"Oh, I uh, have a small place here. Wait- do you have lodging?"

"Not that I know of. Would you mind too terribly-"

"Of course not. In fact, I'd be honored. It'd be just like old times."

"Are you sure? I'd hate to impose..."

"How would you impose, Maria? You clean up after yourself and know better than to get into things that aren't yours."

"You'd be fine with that?"

"Of course! I love you, Maria- I always have. Not in the way that that irritating pincushion was talking about in the infirmary, but you're one of the few people I can stand to be around. To be honest, life without you has been nothing short of a living hell. When we were together, I often wondered why I was created and what my purpose in life is. Now that I know what it is, I want nothing more that to continue fulfilling your wish and making you happy."

"Oh, Shadow. That's so... kind of you. To be honest, seeing the way you interact with the others here... it's just like you're a different hedgehog than the one I knew..."

"I'll admit, I've developed a general hatred of others... But I assume I'll be able to tolerate them eventually, now with you around."

"I'll be your teacher!"

"Sure. Would you like me to teach you something in return?"

"Well, if it wouldn't be too much trouble..."

"Yes?"

"Um, well... that last day on the ARK... when we didn't know what to do... could you teach me some of what you know in case it ever comes to that again? So that I- I mean, we... are prepared?"

"Do you mean like how to fight?"

"That, and how to use all of those guns and stuff. Oh- and those really cool swords they have hanging in the hallways here!"

"I'm not sure if we can use those per say," Shadow laughed. Wait- Shadow laughed. It felt odd. Warm. Fuzzy. Good. "But I'll teach you how to use a sword. Mechs, too- that is, if you're interested. I don't exactly remember there being all that many on the ARK, but it'd be useful. Maybe I can get Tails to show you how to repair them, too."

"Who's Tails?"

"He's Sonic's closest friend- that one, singing with him. Normally, that'd put me off right then and there. But he's quite honestly the only intelligent person I've met here. You'd like him. Let me repeat that- him. A lot of people tend to mistake him for a girl for no good reason. His real name is Miles, for hedgehog's sake..." Maria giggled a little.

"Want some dessert?"

"What are there?"

"Hmm... looks like lots of chocolate things. Want me to go pick out a little bit of each like a sampler platter for us to split?"

"Sounds great." He turned to Sonic, still onstage and now beginning another song...

"I'd like to dedicate this to my good ol' buddy, Shadow. I can't think of a better song that sums up the magic between you and I." He paused and waited for the song to start. "Just think about it...

Lately I've been skeptical, silent when I would use to speak... distant from all around me, who witness me fail and be-come weak... life is overwhelming, heavy is the head that wears the crown... I'd love to be the one to disappoint you when I don't fall down..."

"Boooooo... hissssss..." Shadow leaned back casually and threw the crusts of his garlic bread at the crooning hedgehog.

"But you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain... because you know it all and I guess things will never change. But you might need my hand when falling in your hole... your disposition I'll remember when I'm letting go..."


	12. Chapter 12

Shadow stood looking out of the window of the vast space colony. Everyone was in a panic- the colony was on a crash course to Earth, and the Professor's dream had almost become a reality. Amy stepped in, talking to herself.

"Oh, I hate it when they leave me behind..." She paced around irritably for a bit, then came to her senses. "I've really gotta stop whining- everyone's trying their best to help out and so must I!"She noticed Shadow on the other side of the room. "Wait a minute... Shadow, we need you! Please help us!"

"It's all going according to plan. There's no reason for me to help them. Besides, there's no way to save anyone."

"There has to be! I know that people fight over the most trivial things. Some people may be selfish like the professor said... But they're basically good. If they try their best and never give up on their wishes, they always have a reason to be happy. That's why you should help them out. Saving them is a good thing! Shadow I beg you! Please do it for them! Give them a chance."

"Shadow..."

"Maria?"

"Shadow, I beg of you, please do it for me... for a better future!" They she was, back on that dreaded day... He struggled within the confines of the escape pod and listened helplessly as she made her final wish. "For all the people who live on that planet... give them a chance to be happy! Let them live for their dreams, Shadow. I know you can do it. That's the reason you were brought into this world. Sayonara, Shadow the Hedgehog. Atashi wa anata o nogashite shimau." Shadow suddenly snapped back into reality.

"That's what I promised her. And I must keep that promise. That's what Maria wished for."

"Shadow?" Amy was dumb stuck. All she had done was ramble off a list of trite things about human kindness, and here she was, witnessing Shadow shed a single tear of manliness.

"I've got to go now! I have to keep my promise to Maria!... and you." With that, he ran as quickly as he could out of the room.

"Waaait! Shadow! What did you promise _me_?"

***

"Shadow! Shadow- wake up!" Maria frantically shook Shadow awake.

"Huh? Wha- What happened?" Still groggy from sleep, Shadow begrudgingly opened his eyes.

"You were talking in your sleep... were you having a nightmare?"

"It was more of a reoccurring flashback. I'm alright. What time is it?" he yawned.

"Ten past two."

"Mmm... alright. Goodnight, er, morning. Very early morning." Maria giggled, rolled over, and planted a kiss on his cheek. She wrapped her arms around him and drifted off soon after.

When Shadow's alarm went off at precisely six thirty, they proceeded to the breakfast hall together.

"Awww, look at them!" crooned Sonic as they walked in. "They're practically inseparable!"

"What are you still doing here?"

"Shuddup. I'm hung-over."

"You don't drink."

"Your point?"

"That's okay, Mr. Sonic," said Maria, attempting to diffuse the ticking bomb between the two hedgehogs. Sonic shrugged and went back to his bacon and egg whites.

"Maria, what would you like for breakfast?" Shadow sighed, looking for an excuse to get away from Sonic.

"Oh, um... one egg over easy, two strips of bacon, and a cup of yogurt, please."

"Any pastries?"

"Yes, please! A cherry Danish, if there are any."

When Shadow returned with their meals, Sonic stood up to get seconds, obviously trying to prolong Shadow's misery.

"Maria, why don't we eat in my room. We can watch that pony thing, if you'd like."

"Shadow likes _po_ nies. Shadow likes _po_ nies..." sang Sonic as he walked past them. Shadow managed to step on his foot without Maria noticing.

"Oh, I love ponies!"

"I thought you would. We'll start your training when we're finished."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few quick notes before this chapter:
> 
> 1) Dan Green used to dub hentai
> 
> 2) Jason Griffith now plays one of the main characters in the web show Casters. You may want to watch the first three episodes of that before you continue reading.
> 
> "And how playing Centipede is going to lead me down the path to deprevity YOU TELL ME." XD

"Alright, so where should we start?"

"Um... how about how to fire a gun?"

"Ok." Shadow dug around in his closet.

"Shadow?"

"Yes, Maria?"

"Why is your closet full of guns?"

"Probably because I don't wear any clothes."

"Then why have a closet at all?"

"Because GUN's budget doesn't exactly allow for custom dormitories, Maria."

"Oh..." she turned her attention back to the TV and the land of Equestria as Shadow continued to fish around for just the right one.

"Would this rifle be suitable?"

"Uh... do you have something a little... smaller?"

"Perhaps a pistol, then?"

"Sure..." She didn't know the difference between the two. The only guns she had seen had been the ones that belonged to the soldiers on the ARK and the ones on TV. "Shadow? How did you learn to fire a gun?"

"Let's see... The first time I used one was on the ARK, when we had to deal with that Artificial Chaos outbreak."

"Oh, I think I remember that..."

"I'm sure you do. It took almost an hour..." he snarled under his breath. "Anyway, I really just picked one up and went with my gut. However, there is a trick to using them efficiently. You can never know when a single bullet will mean the difference between life," he said as he clicked a pack of bullets inside the one he chose, "or death."

"Can you teach me how to use overly dramatic pauses, too?"

"It comes naturally. At least for me. Turn off the TV- Twilight Sparkle won't teach you anything about self-defense."

***

The training was more or less a success. She was a little shaky at first, but she was a fast learner and could easily hit the centers of some of GUN's more advanced targets by the time they stopped for lunch. He was proud, to say the least. Let's see that little blue pincushion fire a semi-automatic weapon like that, he thought with a snide malevolent grin as they walked back to the mess hall.

"So what do I do if there's someone pointing a gun back at me, and we're equally matched?" she asked as they passed some of the other agents' dormitories.

"Try to ascertain any weaknesses. Distract them in some way with it and above all else-"

"HE DID TOO!" Someone was arguing further down the all.

"DID NOT!"

"DID TOO! TVTropes said so!"

"How- wha- WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE MASTER EMERALD IS TVTROPES?"

"What is going on-" Shadow started before seeing who it was. Sonic was leaning casually against the wall, munching away on a chili dog, and talking to Knuckles, who looked as if he was both furious and appalled at the same time. "What are you still doing here?" Shadow asked the cocky blue hedgehog, too exasperated to even raise his voice or add an intense and threatening undertone.

"GUN wants me to stick around for a little bit longer. They said that it was important."

"Alright..." He turned to Knuckles. "And what are you so upset about?"

"That little blue rat says that Dan Green used to dub hentai! He would never do such a thing- he is a respected actor!"

"Dude- it's all over the internet! Seriously!"

"And why does this matter?" Shadow asked, his head buried in his equally large hands.

"BECAUSE HE IS A RESPECTED ACTOR. HOW DARE YOU TARNISH HIS GOOD NAME!"

"Sonic, has it ever come to your attention that Jason Griffith is currently in a show where he plays a man addicted to pornography?"

"N- no..."

"What's pornography, Shadow?" asked Maria.

"Yes, Shadow..." Sonic sneered. "Tell us. What is pornography?"

"That's besides the point," the surly black hedgehog sighed. "What does GUN want you to stay for?"

"Apparently ol' Baldy McNosehair has set up a new camp not far from here. They want you and I to stake the place out. We can't attack it yet- he's supposedly developing something that's ridiculously unstable and might endanger innocent people if destroyed prematurely. We get to be teammates, Shadster!"

"I'd rather you not call me that." Maybe calming down and not losing my temper would ease the situation, he thought.

"Alright then. Maria's already got dibs on Shaddykins. How 'bout Slim Shady?" Shadow didn't know how to react, so he did what he normally did whenever Sonic said something stupid. "I'll take that growl as a resounding yes. Slim Shady it is! Oh, Maria," he said, as if suddenly remembering something. "Tails really needs to see you. Like, really."

"About what?"

"Oh... uh, GUN wanted him to show her around the turrets and such. The... vulcanized ceramics and stuff... yeah- that's it!"

"I suppose..." he sighed. "When do we leave?"

"I'll meet you in the foyer in one hour- no more." With that, he patted Shadow on the back and left to get another chili dog.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to mention that when I wrote this (like, literally this time last year) we didn't know who the new Smash Bros. characters were. Kinda funny looking back at it...

Cubot awoke from his afternoon nap to the sound of bickering. It wasn't exactly the best way to wake up, but then again, he wasn't supposed to be asleep while watching the surveillance tapes. He scanned each camera to see who was at fault, but it wasn't needed, since he could hear them loud and clear.

"There's no way they'll ever put Mega Man in Smash Brothers. Capcom would never hand him over."

"It's only a suggestion. They put you in, didn't they? You'd think that SEGA'd be a lot more tight fisted about your image."

"Dude, keep in mind that it's a game about kicking the living crap outta Mario. I'm surprised that I wasn't in Melee- SEGA already knew that they were circling the drain at that point."

"Boss, we have two hedgehogs on security cam five," Cubot said into his headset.

"Wha- Cubot, how many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt my mid-afternoon nap? I need to rest up for my mid-evening nap!"

"Oh, er- right, boss. What should we do about them?"

"That depends. Is it that blue rat and 'Pothead the Porcupine', or that blue rat and 'Angst the Hedgehog'?"

"Er, rat and Angst, sir."

"Hmmm... we could just blast them with that new high-powered laser cannon that I just installed, but that's no fun..." He paused for a bit, mumbling incoherently to himself. "I've got it! Why not let them in and save the best for later? After all, epic showdowns are the best when they're of epic proportions!"

"Er- right, boss. So shut down security measures for the time being?"

"Of course not! We can't make it too easy for them- they'll know what I'm setting up!"

***

Meanwhile, Sonic and Shadow were snooping around the outer gates of Eggman's base.

"Hmmm... looks like ol' Eggy actually hired someone competent to design his fortress of evil this time," Sonic said with a sigh.

"Either way, it's still not OSHA compliant. I think I hear spinning saw blades on the other side of this wall."

"Sweet! This could be fun!"

"We're not supposed to actually attack the fort until we have orders to do so."

"I know that we aren't, but why not have just a little fun while we're here?"

"Absolutely not- I'll report you right to the Commander and you'll never work with us again."

"Fine," Sonic sighed. "So how are you feeling about your first serious mission?"

"It'd be better if I could work alone."

"Well obviously someone wasn't paying attention during Heroes... As a member of Team Sonic, I expect you to live by the Power of Friendship!"

"I work alone."

"Then what about Rouge? And what about training Maria this morning? Don't tell me that that was just for self-defense reasons."

"Occasionally I'll permit some outside help from a trusted source."

"...Right."

"So when will you be leaving?"

"Dunno. Tails, Blaze, and Knuckles are staying too, FYI. We need them for our full-scale assault, whenever that is. Knuckles wasn't fully on board with the idea last night, which is why he wasn't there. Cream just came to be polite."

"That makes sense. So who's watching Blaze and Knuckles' emeralds, then?"

"The Chaotix."

"I wouldn't even trust them with the keys to my motorcycle..." Shadow said after a long pause.

"Don't say that. Their theme song clearly states-"

"Let me stop you there. Their theme song is fantastic. They, however, are not."

"Yeah... A cha-llenge has been iss-ued by the Egg-man," Sonic started singing. "This mission's go-nna-"

"Stop it. Now."

"You're no fun."

"I don't care."

"Alright then... did I tell you about Tails' new job? GUN's actually hired him to do some of their tech work."

"That's great."

"Yeah... I can't help but wonder what he'll be doing. I mean, I'm very proud of him of course, but I wonder about what they'll have him do... Just putting together his qualifying project was a nightmare for him."

"So I take it that you'll be in my chest hair a lot more often now that your best friend will essentially be living with me?"

"I guess so. Just think of it as an early Christmas present. It's the gift that keeps on giving all year 'round!" There was a long, uncomfortable silence, and then Shadow started on a new topic.

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if we ever actually defeated the Doctor?"

"Of course. I think about it all the time, actually."

"So you realize that if we actually manage to kill him, that it would be the end of the series, right?"

"Maybe. I suppose that we could always go the Archie route and live by the monster of the week formula until ol' Eggy miraculously turned up again."

"True." There was an even longer and more uncomfortable silence.

"There's the entrance. I suppose we'll have to keep quiet now." With that, Sonic sped towards the ominous-looking door. Shadow followed at his heels, ready to prove himself towards his superiors.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains references to my first fic, Emerald Trouble (yes, it has a stupid name). It's only on my deviantART page at the moment, but I may shift it over here. I'd have to send it over to my fanfiction.net account first, but it might happen.

Sonic and Shadow entered Eggman's new base in silence and looked around in awe. The room that they had stepped into was monstrous and was filled to the brim with all sorts of nifty weapons of mass destruction. It appeared to be lit by some sort of fire, but there was none to be found.

"I keep meaning to ask," Sonic whispered, "but does anyone know where ol' Eggy gets the money to build all this stuff?"

"It seems that he has an endless supply. Maybe he has diamond mines somewhere, or he might invest in something."

"Facebook?"

"Perhaps."

"Wait a sec-" Sonic said, looking up towards the ceiling. "Maybe Eggman isn't as well off as we thought. Do you see those bricks at the very top?"

"I see what you mean- they're smaller than the ones down here, so it gives the illusion that the room is much taller. Good eye, faker."

"Plus, Eggman doesn't really use bricks to build his Fortresses of Evil- he tends to stick to metal. What is going on here?"

"A pleasure to see you again at last, gentlemen." A tall shadow spread out over one of the walls. The light of the still-missing fire dappled elegantly over the speaker's not-so-elegant frame.

"Eggman!" Sonic cried, "I was wondering when you would show up. Where were you in the last fic?"

"Stuck in Development Hell. It's an orphaned fic, anyway, so we're just going to assume that it never happened." His smile was unsettling.

"That's not true," Shadow spat. "Rouge still suffers from severe lack of judgment every now and then, and Knuckles still wears his hat on a regular basis."

"Silence, you fool," Eggman snarled, twirling his grand moustache in between his thumb and forefinger. "I wouldn't exactly... recommend staying around here for much longer. That is, unless you want to cause the deaths of countless innocent civilians..." He pulled out a large device from nowhere, and circled his thumb over the ridiculously large red button in the center. Sonic clenched his fists as his gaze drifted downwards, considering his next move. What does he mean? he thought. What is he planning? He looked up, and the Doctor gave a malevolent grin. Hmmm... Looks like a good ol' fashioned Mexican Standoff... He looked over at Shadow, who was of no help whatsoever. The black hedgehog merely nodded in a way that seemed to say 'Don't do anything- let's talk it over with GUN'.

"Fine, Eggman." Sonic sighed with fury in his voice.

"Good ickle hedgies..." Eggman hissed. "The door is to your left. And if I see you or any member of your little team snooping as usual around my base, let's just say that the results will be... less than pleasant. Good day, gentlemen."

***

Tails spun around in the desk chair in his new office. This was the first day of his first job, which wasn't surprising, considering that he was only eight. I wonder what GUN wants me to do, he thought. Just putting together my qualifying project was an absolute nightmare. He tried to put it out of his mind and decided to play with his new rolly-chair to pass the time. He tried to kick off from the floor, but couldn't quite reach and settled for launching himself by pushing against various furniture. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. He regained his composure as the door opened.

"Hello, Tails."

"Ready, Maria?"

"Of course."


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During the fight scene, I'd highly reccommend listening to Cash Cash's remix of "Big Arm" (feat. everyone's favorite Japanese guitarist, the fantabulous Jun Senuoe!)

"Damn it," Shadow snarled as he punched one of the grand walls of Eggman's fort.

"Oh," a voice boomed over the intercom, "and kindly refrain from punching my walls. Or touching them in any way. In fact, don't even look at them. Go on. Now." Sonic grabbed Shadow's arm and dragged him in the general direction of GUN Headquarters, fuming.

"Cool it, Slim Shady."

"Stop calling me that," Shadow spat.

"I will if you calm down. We need do go back to GUN and regroup."

"Ah ah ah," Eggman called from the intercom. "I don't think so!"

"SHUT UP," the two hedgehogs shouted in unison.

"Jinx! You owe-"

"NO."

"Alright then," Sonic sighed as he began to yank Shadow's arm even harder. "Have it your way. I thought that Maria was going to 'purify your soul' or something like that. Oh wait- she can't! You have no soul!"

"Just because I tire of your little games doesn't mean that I lack a soul." At this, Sonic stopped and pulled his hand away.

"Then prove to me that you do." Sonic looked the faker in the eye and clenched his fists. "You never have anything nice to say to anyone!"

"That's not true- I complimented Maria on her aiming abilities just this morning." Shadow crossed his arms and stared back.

"Why bother complimenting someone that-" Sonic stopped himself, shook his head, and changed the subject. "And why is it that you always have to be all 'Oh, I'm so dark and edgy and soooooo badass! I drive a motorcycle just 'cause it's cooler!' Everyone is tired of your little act. Once again, whatever happened to the Shadow a few years ago, that upon realizing his mistake in trying to exterminate all of humanity, immediately joined our side and was a nice person?"

"Define nice, then."

"Let's see..." Sonic thought to himself. "How 'bout amiable, amicable, approachable, benevolent, benign, breezy, civil, clubby, congenial, cordial, courteous, genial, gentle, good-humored, good-natured, gracious-"

"Those are synonyms. I want a definition."

"Amiably pleasant and kind!" Sonic shouted loud enough that even Shadow was taken aback, even though he didn't show it. "One who genuinely cares about others without being told to!"

"You don't think I care?" Shadow took a step closer. "I helped Amy find Cream after she had inexplicably locked herself behind a wall in some random castle in the middle of nowhere, AND found Cheese after he somehow wondered into the Doctor's personal Chao Garden!"

"Yeah- and your other choice was to light some candle-things for Eggman!"

"He was going to use them for a plot of some sort."

"You... you didn't listen, did you? You just went with the first mission that popped up so that you could finish the mission quicker!"

"And? I also helped Charmy find five 'top secret' computer disks-"

"Only to get him to quit whining!"

"And I helped Vector find that computer room that he was so worked up about-"

"Once again, only so that he would shut up about it!"

"AND I HELPED YOU DEFEAT FOURTY FIVE BLACK ARMS SOLDIERS!"

"BECAUSE HELPING ME WAS THE FIRST AVAILABLE MISSION!"

According to Animal Planet, hedgehogs are rather solitary mammals and don't like being around other hedgehogs. This would explain Sonic's initial reaction to Shadow at the beginning of Sonic Adventure 2, although the bumbling forces of GUN mistaking a black and red hedgehog for a blue hedgehog probably had something to do with it as well. Male hedgehogs are especially notorious for their aggression towards one another, which brings us to...

Sonic curled into a spin dash before Shadow could say "Oh look- he's spin dashing. I should get out of the way." He did, however, manage to slide over to one side to avoid the ball of prickles shooting towards him. Sonic recovered quickly and shot towards Shadow again with a spin jump. Shadow retaliated the same way, and the two merely bounced off of each other without so much as a scratch. Sonic used his low kick and managed to knock his opponent down to the ground before he could regain his composure. He then tackled him and threw him at a tree.

***

From his fort, Dr. Eggman was watching the spectacle from his monitor and greedily munching on caramel kettle corn.

"Boss," Cubot said, "they're trampling the hydrangeas..."

"Quiet, you! We can always plant more."

***

"That's it," Shadow snarled and reached into his subspace pocket. He dug around furiously, but there was nothing to be found.

"Looking for this?" Sonic stepped closer until Shadow could see that he was tossing that DAMN fourth Chaos Emerald up and down in his right hand. He caught it one last time before Shadow leapt up, ready for his next attack. Sonic prepared to counter, but Shadow changed his attack in a millisecond and managed to knock the blue hedgehog to the ground. Sonic, not to be outdone, used Sonic Wind to toss Shadow up in the air. The black hedgehog rebounded almost instantly and both hedgehogs crouched, ready for the next round. Both started into another spin dash (and, to Cubot's dismay, tore up even more of the landscape) and-

"HOLD IT!" Knuckles jumped in between the two as they started to attack once more. Knuckles' mittens-

"HEY!"

-er, boxing gloves took all of the impact as the two hedgehogs spun with all of their might before realizing what was going on. They back to the ground and looked up.

"Knuckles, just what are you doing here?" Sonic asked, searching himself for wounds and finding none.

"The Commander realized that it was a stupid idea to send you two out on a serious mission together. You two are worse than two bulls in a china closet." The red echidna examined his gloves. "Aw, dammit..." Both were torn straight down the palm, exposing Knuckles' hands to the elements.

"Knuckles, I didn't know that you had individual fingers!" Sonic said upon further inspection.

"Yeah, and now thanks to you two, my career as a hand-model is ruined! I need to keep my hands inside my gloves at all times to avoid any imperfections, and now I need a new pair! I hope you're happy!"


End file.
